the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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