Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
