So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
