...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
