Bisexual people are plain selfish.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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