yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
