the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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