You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
