i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
