I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
