been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
A+ Viking dick
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
