the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
