a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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