Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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