that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
