I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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