I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
