Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
