I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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