what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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