I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
