dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
