Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
