If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
