I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
