Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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