I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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