I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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