Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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