come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
