I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize