Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
