I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
