The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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