So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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