Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
