Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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