she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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