Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
