I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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