I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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