What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
