Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
