I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
