He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
