Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
