I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
