So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
