It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
