I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
