In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
