Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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