I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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