Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
