Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
