I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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