U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Houston, we have a blender
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
