i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
