my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
