im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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