The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
