OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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