There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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