it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
