happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
