It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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