You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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