Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
